Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Oh Switzerland, You've taken away my breath now once again, You left me with a sense of compassion, for the ones who can't pick themselves up off the ground

A few months ago there was a girl. She had recently got out of a very long relationship, much like myself. She had this rule for herself that she wasn't going to get into a relationship for at least a year because she needed to figure out what she was looking for in life. She also encouraged me to do the same. To not jump into a relationship in order to figure out who I am and what I'm looking for in a companion. That's what I've been trying to do with my life lately. I really think I've learned a lot about what I want.

For example, my absolute favorite thing I want in life is someone I can talk to. With Jacquie, one night we talked for 4 hours on the phone, even though I had school the next day. With Addy, on the first night, we tossed a little foam ball back and for hours and we talked and talked and talked. With Alecia, one night we talked so late that we decided we had to pull an all-nighter. We went to our first class the next day and ended up sleeping the rest of the next day but I absolutely loved it. With Lindsay, I don't have an exact story, but even to this day, I truly feel that I can talk to her about anything. Any fear I have, any weak moment, or any sign of depression, I feel like I can talk to her and she'll help.

I truly hate silence. Silence is depressing and gets me stuck in my own head about everything wrong with my life. Like when Alecia would cry and I would try to comfort her. I never knew what to say so I just tried being there for her. However, far too late in the relationship I realized that actually made her feel worse.

I realized this about myself too. When I was about to move back to Boise and it was clear me and Lindsay were going to end, there was this one night. We said we were going to go dancing, but before we left she kept saying how I really didn't want to go. Then she didn't really say anything. She just left me in my own head and that drove me crazy.

Oh Lindsay, she might be the most important person in my life right now. There's a lot of things that I learned from her. Like in her blog posts, she's very honest about my faults. She never really says anything bad to my face but she'll be very honest on there and say whats wrong. I appreciate the honesty really. Sure, it sucks finding out you're not prince charming and perfect in every way, but I know this will make me a better person. Like this one post that said something along the lines of: He doesn't miss people until it's too late to miss people. God dammit she's right. Example time:

When I found out Alecia cheated on me, we didn't break up right away. We both went back to our respective parts of the Boise area and thought about what to do. I kept telling myself how much it would hurt. I kept telling myself you will miss her and want her back and you need to realize this before you actually break up with her and be truly ok with that. I couldn't do it though. I couldn't truly imagine how things were without her. I couldn't really do anything. I just let her decide. If she wanted to break up, we'd break up. If she didn't, we didn't. (Another thing I need to work on: not being so passive and deciding things for myself) So then we broke up and eventually I got back to our house in Pocatello and it hit me all at once. All her stuff was gone. She was gone. And it was too late to do shit about it. That night was one of the worst nights of my life. I tried talking to her, and at a couple points after the breakup, I tried to do little things to win Alecia back. It was too late. She's moved on.

With Lindsay, I miss her too. I really do. And I like to think she misses me. There's this weird mutual understanding between the two of us. She's not what Alecia was to me. I'm not what Chris was to her. Yet we're there for each other, to pick each other up when the other is feeling weak. That's truly something I'll appreciate forever. Yet I wait far too long to truly miss her for it to matter. I could maybe make a difference to miss her right away, but it's pointless for nostalgic-ly missing her to do anything to change our situation.

The weirdest thing about Lindsay though is that even though I truly believe she likes me and misses me, I don't think there's a person I've been worse to in my life. I broke up with Alecia to chase after her, and I don't think I ever realized the uncomfortable position that I put her in. Even though she liked me, she hid a lot of fears from me that I only learned about by reading her blog posts later. I then confirmed those fears by breaking up with her to get back together with Alecia. Later I started a relationship with her again, fully intending to end it when I moved back to Boise.

Lindsay, if you're reading this, and I like to imagine that sometimes you do read this, I'm sorry. I'm realizing that so much of the way I used you was selfish. There's so much I have done that's been unfair to you and you deserve so much better. I mean it when I say you are one of the most wonderful incredible human beings I've ever known. I hope that no matter what happens in our lives, we continue to be friends and you continue to make me a better person.

I guess I better apologize to everyone else too.

Alecia, it still hurts what you did, but I know that this wasn't just your fault that we ended. It's my fault too. I could of been better and we could of worked on our relationship better. Please know that I will always love you. You were there for me at my weakest. I had not been in a relationship for more than a couple months and you taught me not to be afraid of commitment. I know it's still sometimes scary to completely give yourself to another person, but you did to me. Because of you, someday I'll be able to truly give myself to another person. Thank you for that Alecia.

Addy, you were there for me no matter what, up until the point where I literally wouldn't talk to you. Even when I broke up with you and started dating other people, you wanted to be friends, and I threw that away. I'm sorry. I hope someday we can be friends again. I like to think it'll go better this time.

Jacquie, I was young and knew absolutely nothing about relationships. Yet you took a chance on a naive little nerd. You taught me so much and made me so happy. I know so little about your life now even though I think we're still friends. I hope you've found happiness now. I hope things are going well in Montana and that someday we may talk again.

So, I'm not really sure what to do now except keep learning. At the beginning I talked about another girl. Her name is Meghan. I just found out she's in a relationship now. Though something tells me this one won't last terribly long. She seems to have plans to see the world and explore and I think she wants to be single when she does. However, I could be completely wrong. She might of found the one and is happy and content in life. I'm realizing more and more that I suck at reading people so I haven't got a clue. But I hope to learn and I hope to grow. Most of all, I want to be a better person. I always want to be a better person than I was yesterday and I feel like I don't deserve the love I'm looking for until I become that better person. So it's up to me to earn that love.

Friday, August 15, 2014

We Change, More Than We Will Ever Know

It's so crazy to think about how much life has changed for me. How just a few months ago I thought I had my whole life figured out. Now? I'm back at square one. I've moved back to my home city. I'm living at home for now but should be getting a place with Sean next week. I'm single, technically but I'll get into that later. I'm still an accounting major but I'm not sure if I want to do that. I was sorta jobless for a while but I finally got a job at Walgreens thanks to Marcus (who I seriously am so grateful for). I guess I'm trying to start over with my life.

I'm really bad at thinking of proper segways but the point of this blogpost was going to be to look back at (most) of my relationships to figure out what I'm really looking for. Because out of all the things in my life, my jobs, my friends, my family, my schooling, nothing effects 22 year old Tim (and probably a lot of other 22 year olds) as much as my relationships.

Jacquie: My first girlfriend. I'm not quite sure how to say it but she affected me more than anyone else. Mostly because she was the first. She's the reason I almost always say "I love you" way to soon (because she said it to me after the first date, and I, being a confused teenager, figured this is the time to say it back), she's the reason I tend to get back with a lot of my exes, (because we broke up and got back together 6 times), and she's the reason I suck at getting over people (because we got back together so many times, I didn't accept things were over til I saw her with someone else).

I've spent a lot of time hung up on her, well after we finally, finally broke up, but I finally was ok with it being over when we stopped talking, which was about 2 years ago. It wasn't like we had some grand fight and quit talking. I can't recall anything major actually happening. It seems we just drifted apart. I like to imagine now that if she wanted to be friends again, I could be ok with being just friends, but I'm probably just lying to myself because I don't know any better.

But I think the real reason we didn't work was because she just didn't feel for me how I felt for her. I was absolutely crazy about her, but I don't think she was really that crazy about me. She liked me, she really did, but I don't think she really loved me.

Addy: Out of all the girls in my life, I probably feel worst about how things went and ended with Addy. She was sweet. She was funny. And most of all, I think she really really loved me, but if there's something I truly know about love it's this: Distance kills relationships. It murders it. It will take love and twist it into a deranged sad shell of its former self. We only lived 3 hours apart, but we were high school kids. We had no means to constantly visit each other. Just when we could convince our parents to meet up.

When our senior year was coming to a close we discussed a possibility of both of us attending BSU in the fall and trying to make a real relationship work, but she really wanted to go to C of I, and I wanted to go to ISU. I think about this decision every now and then and honestly, I'm glad we went to our respective schools. I hate to say it, but I don't think we would of worked and we would of eventually resented each other for attending a school we didn't want to go to (ironic because now I'm going to BSU) and our relationship would of ended poorly.

Well, that's not to say our relationship didn't end poorly. It did. Not because of her (Well, maybe a little because of her, but mostly because of me and Alecia). She really wanted to be friends after we broke up (oh, and we broke up because I hated distance and I didn't want to do it anymore), and I tried to be friends for a long time. Then she started seeing someone else, and I realized I wasn't over her really (Jacquie shining through me again). However, I did get over her after that, at least I think I did, but then I started dating Alecia and she felt like I wasn't over Addy, mostly because of the night I found out Addy moved on and I cried into Alecia's shoulder (Well before me and Alecia started dating though). After that, she really didn't trust that we were just friends. Then there was the time Addy got drunk and sent me a long facebook message. Alecia hated that. It's not like Alecia told me to stop talking to her, but when I stopped messaging Addy, Alecia and I got along much better. So I just stopped replying to her messages. Eventually, she stopped trying to talk to me. She eventually defriended me on Facebook and she's moving on with her life.

Honestly, and I feel terrible saying this, but the reason we never worked out was because I didn't really love her. When we dated I was still super hung up on Jacquie. I even dumped her once because I had a chance with Jacquie, but eventually we got back together. She really is a fantastic person and I stop by her facebook page every once in a while to see how she's doing. I do wish her the best because I think she'll have a great life.

Alecia: Oh Alecia. I'm not truly ready to go in depth about this relationship, but I will say a few things. I've been looking back, and realizing how things had been going poorly well before they ended. I've been trying to focus on not only what went wrong between us, but also, what am I really looking for in a wife, and how I can be a good boyfriend and husband. I know I did a lot of things wrong now and I'm going to try to be a better person because of it.

Lindsay: While Jacquie affected how I handle relationships and breakups, I think Lindsay may have affected my personality more than anyone else in my life. She's the reason I listen to much more underground music. She's the reason I'm a much weirder person than I was as a teenager. She's the reason I skip and dance so much in public. I don't think I ever told her this but the reason I skipped all the time at Convergys was because of her. I was never that kind of person before. I was just so happy around her, it made me want to skip and dance and be happier. Now, I dance and skip all the time. In my car, at work, even just walking around. I skip and dance my heart out, even though I'm bad at it. I don't care. I'm just happy.

So why didn't we work out? Well, I loved her and I think she loved me. She's an incredible and wonderful person that I like to imagine I would of enjoyed spending the rest of my life with, but the truth is that we never would of actually worked. I was still hung up on Alecia both times we dated (Jacquie shining though me again), and I think she was still hung up on Chris both times too. But even more than that, there was the one glaring thing that was always between us, religion. She was LDS and I wasn't. She was very devoted in her faith and I was never going to truly believe in it. I thought about faking it for her but she didn't really want that. She wants someone who truly believes in that. And  I hope she finds him. Also, now that I've moved to Boise, we have 3 and a half hours between us. Once again, distance absolutely murders relationships. I could of stayed in Pocatello but right now there are too many painful memories there. Too many things there reminds me of Aleica.

Weirdly enough though, she's the one ex who I would say is actually my friend. It's still a little awkward between us but I'm really glad she's my friend. She's an amazing person. The other weird thing with her is that although we had a fling two years ago, and a fling a couple months ago, we never actually truly were in a relationship. The first time I think it was because she wasn't comfortable dating me for awhile and I ended it before she could get comfortable. This last time? It was because we both knew it would end as soon as I went to Boise.

Meghan: Meghan is a very interesting case. I've had a crush on her in 8th grade. We were on the track team together back then and went on runs together, but I was 13. I barely knew how to talk to girls. I didn't have a clue how to ask them out. Then we drifted apart in high school. We didn't have any classes together and we weren't that great of friends. So we went our separate ways. Then late in senior year we started becoming friends again. She wrote her number in my yearbook and said we should go on a run together sometime. This girl doesn't know how much she saved me. Pretty soon into the summer, well after me and Addy had broken up, I was up at my cabin with my parents. I was still missing Jacquie a lot and was about to have a breakdown over her, when I realized I should try to go after Meghan again. So I texted her and said we should go for a run sometime and she said she loved to. I focused on trying to get her for a lot of the remaining summer.

However, I was 18, and I was still quite awful and asking girls out and picking up on signals. I remember 2 moments from that summer in particular. Once, Matt said he wanted to go on a double date with Kayla and me and another girl. I immediately thought to ask her. However, Matt only gave me a days notice, so I had no time to prepare. I asked her but she already had plans so I had to go with someone else. I wish it could of worked but sadly it didn't. The other moment from that summer, and I still hate myself sometimes for missing this moment, was the day she took me horseback riding. She absolutely loves horses and took me to ride her horse because I had never been horseback riding. Anyways, we were cleaning her horse and a song came on over the radio in the barn. She said, "Oh I love this song! It's a great dancing song." I nodded along and said it was a good song. It still slays me to this day that I DIDN'T TAKE HER BY THE HAND AND TRY TO DANCE WITH HER RIGHT THERE. I mean, that is romantic comedy 101 right there and I missed it. Even if you're bad at dancing she still appreciates the gesture. I was 18 still, I didn't know what I was doing.

Now? I'm 22 and much smarter about talking to women (Still stupid overall but smarter than before). We haven't really talked too much over the last 4 years but I reached out to her because I needed someone to look after Teke while I went out of town for work. She couldn't do it but we became friends again. And after a game of ultimate fell through and some ice cream. I couldn't miss out on another chance with this girl. This girl I've liked for almost a decade now. So I asked her out on a real date and she said yes. And now? Well, I really like her.

However, I'm so unsure of myself with Meghan. I think she's cool, I think she's fun, I think she's beautiful, and I really really like her. Yet, I'm not sure I am what she's looking for in life. However, for the first time since me and Alecia ended, I starting to feel more normal again. Ever since me and Alecia ended, I've been feeling... Out of place, if that makes sense. Like, when I'm with my family or my friends, I feel like I don't really belong, even though I love my family and my friends, I just feel like this should all be happening without me. Like I'm just not supposed to be there. Even with Lindsay, I didn't feel quite right, but I think that was because we both knew that the fling would end soon. But with Meghan, I feel like I fit in, like we fit together. So I really hope she likes me back.

And now I guess I try to take all that has happened to me, and all that I've done to these people, and make myself a better person for the future.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

This House

I hate this stupid house. I hate how empty it feels. I hate that everything is gone, all the stuff I thought you'd take, and all the things I forgot were yours. I hate how everything here reminds me that you're not here. I can't stand being in this house. I want to leave right fucking now and go anywhere else.

I hate that in the week you were back, it didn't really seem like you were back. You were not the same. You didn't really miss me. You didn't really want to spend time with me. You weren't really there.

I hate that whenever I think I about forgiving you, all I can see is you making out with that guy. I hate that I couldn't even look you in the face when you left for the last time. I hate that you didn't tell me. I hate that I had to find out through messages. I hate that when I confronted you about it, you didn't seem as broken up as you should be. Hell, I remember how you felt when you accidentally kissed Liam. You were terrified, and distraught. This time, you didn't seem near as bad.

I hate that the way we broke up reminds me so much of how we broke up the first time. How we left the other person alone in the house with teke. How we cheated on each other.The way you were talking to Javier reminded me so much of how I talked with Lindsay. The way you've fallen for him like I fell for her. I remember reading through some messages of yours from when I broke up with you. Specifically one where you messaged that old co worker of yours. You were in hell, kinda like I feel now. It's so fucking awful. I guess this is my poetic justice.

I hate that through all the similarities of our two break ups, there is one glaring difference. It's that I don't think you will ever truly want me back. All I can remember is that with time, you were able to get over Juston alright. And I know it won't be near as easy, but I think you'll get over me to. You'll truly be ok not being with me. I know I've never truly gotten over any girl I've dated but I can accept the rest of them not being with me, but with you... I don't think there will ever be a point I'm ok with this. I hate that if you ever wanted me back, like I wanted you back before, it'd probably be pretty easy for you to get me.

And the thing I truly hate the most. The thing that haunts me, that makes this whole essay feel pointless, that makes me feel pointless, is that....

You're right.

We probably aren't meant for each other.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Rushed out list of fresh beats from 2005

Ok, I keep wanting to post. I start writing, get distracted, and never finish. So before I even start talking about stuff, I'm going to make a list of songs I like and no matter where I stop writing, I'm posting this much at least. Making that promise to myself.

Ghosts in empty houses - Jukebox the Ghost
Half Crazy - Jukebox the Ghost
Hey Julie - Fountain of Wayne
Snails - The Format (Fun fact: Former band of Nate Ruess, lead singer of Fun)
Stay Awake - Julia Nunes
Something Salty, Something Sweet - River City Extension
The Death of You and Me - Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds
Sofa Song - The Kooks
Cigarettes in the Theatre - Two Door Cinema Club
Bicycles - The Maccabees
Shout - Donora
A Satellite, Stars and an Ocean Behind You - The Submarine
Treasure - Bruno Mars (Ok, this song is obviously very popular and me liking it doesn't say much... but it's still catchy damnit)

There. Some of my favorite songs of the last couple months. I think you should listen to them, but I'm so guy on the internet. Not your mom. I can't make you do anything.

But anyways, things have been kinda...... ummm... I don't know. Not boring Just.... simple? I guess thats right. I wake up suuuppppper early (like 3am early), move boxes and stock stuff, and I'm done before 10 am. I go home and usually take a much needed nap, and then just sit around most of the day. I'm not bored or anything. I just don't get out much. :( I should do something about that.

And don't think that I'm depressed or anything. Things are simple for me and I like simple. Nothing confusing or worrysome in my life. (Though i know complicated things will find a way in, as they usually do). So I hope the simpleness stays for a while and I can get some time to relax.


1. Stay Awake - Julia Nunes : I can't explain why this song is so damn catchy but I love it so much. Maybe I'm sympathizing with the lack of sleep thing.

2. Snails - The Format : Lyrics. I love these lyrics. And anyone who has turned on a radio in the last 2 years should know that Nate Ruess has a great voice.

3. Something Salty, Something Sweet - River City Extension : This song wins for having such an upbeat tempo.

4. A Satellite, Stars and an Ocean Behind You - The Submarines : I just found this song today. I'm positive that with a bit of time this song would of topped this list, and I think I'm going to be listening to this band a bit more in the future.

5. Bicycle - The Maccabees : Catchy. Upbeat. I think you've figured out the pattern by now.

There, pretty much finished a complete post. Happy now people who don't actually really pay attention to this?

Friday, April 26, 2013

Poorly written somewhat incoherent rambling about music from a guy who should go to bed already.

Honestly, this week has been tough for me. Stress gets pretty high around this point in the year. Anyways, I'm looking forward to blowing off some steam this weekend with some friends coming into town for some good times.

And I'm looking forward to this.

Yes I rather enjoy just writing to some people who don't know me. Well, some of you probably know me. It doesn't matter. Lets just get to what you all came here for...

I actually don't know why you're here. But I'm gonna talk about some more music. It's funny to think about how much my tastes have changed lately. I used to almost never listen to indie music. Heck, I remember those high school days of listening to Fall Out Boy and All American Rejects. Listening mostly to popular music. Speaking of FOB, I'm getting a nice hit of nostalgia with their new album. It's rather nice. But I'm going to go ahead and talk about some other songs I like though, like...

1. Camera One by Josh Joplin Group: Want to talk about nostalgia? Scrubs. Scrubs was a fantastic show. It was funny, it was touching, and damn it if it didn't have some good music. I could of made a whole playlist of music from that show. This song probably would of led all those songs. Kudos to Zach Braff for just knowing some good artist. Speaking of Zach Braff...

2. Someday by The Cary Brothers: So I was on reddit one day... or was it twitter? I was on something and I saw that Mr. Braff had started a kickstarter for a new movie he wanted to make. (Sidenote: He's raised about 1.7 million for that movie in 2 days, just from random people on the internet supporting him. Crazy) Anyways, watching his appeal to us peoples of the internet, I heard this song on it and made a note to listen to it. It's good stuff.

I guess I'm in a Zach Braff-y mood. I've even started rewatching some scrubs lately. Weird.

3. Always Where I Need to Be by The Kooks: The Kooks have been one of my favorite indie bands since I hit my indie kick. Them and The Wombats have always pretty much been my top 2. This is just a continuation of that kick. They make me happy. :)

4. Hurry Hurry by Air Traffic Controller: This song kinda reminds me of Be My Monster by Sleeper Agent. (Side Note on that song, I was right last week in that if I had waited a couple more days to post something, it would of been at the top of the list.) Anyways, this song just feels kind of weird. I don't know. I'm really bad at describing these songs. I really do think they're all good. They're all definitely worth a listening to.

5. Angels by The Xx: Ok. I had a lot trouble thinking of a way to describe this band. I looked up some stuff on them trying to figure out the right words for them when I came across the best description I could think of. Atmospheric. Make sense? No. You're probably going to hate these guys then. These guys have very moody and soulful music. If that isn't what you're into, you're aren't going to like them. Which is fine, everyone is entitled to their own style. This is a style I like.

Ok. This post isn't very good. I can acknowledge that. I'm tired. It's 3 am and I should go to bed. Yet I wanted to write. Sometimes, it's very relieving to write some stuff down. Even stuff about music that 95 percent of people don't care about. Sleep is nice too though. I'm going to do that too. But I think whoever you are, person reading this, you should go do something that'll make you happy. Even if it's as simple as lying in the grass and looking up at the clouds. Cause I think I'm going to do that. Not now. It's night. I'm going to sleep like a normal person. But maybe tomorrow. Maybe in two days. I'll take a moment to relax in a nice patch of grass.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Some more songs that I like, a willful admission that I don't want snow anymore.

It's the middle of April and it's snowing...

That isn't right.
The sun is supposed to be out. It supposed to be warm. I'm supposed to be playing frisbee with friends. 
And alas, I'm inside. Writing another blog post. I spent the last week or so doing a big giant essay for english class. It wasn't too much fun. However, now that I have submitted it, I feel like writing for fun. I rather do enjoy writing just for me. To not have any restrictions or guidelines. I can mkae tihs sneentce as wong as I wnat and no 1 can say anythang. I can talk about whatever I want to talk about.

Like music. God do I love music. It's amazing how a good song can put a smile on my face even when I'm not feeling super duper awesome sauce. So here is a list of songs that put a big fat dumb smile on my face. Just a quick note, none of the songs on my previous list will be mentioned here. I still love all those songs previously mentioned, but this is just for songs I've recently discovered, like:

1. Synthesizers by Butch Walker and The Black Widows: Now this song is really great except for one part. The opening line. I hate the opening like. "Everybody's writing songs with synthesizers, but I don't have a synthesizer." fkl;jafsdklajflsdj I nearly ragequit this song every time I hear that line. It just feels like bad songwriting when you're rhyming synthesizer with synthesizer.

Random person reading this blog: But Tim, you have admitted to in the past liking such musical acts as Justin Bieber and Kesha who often have lyrics that rhyme baby with baby and other horrible things like that.

Me: Fair point random person reading this blog, but I'm not listening to those artists because they are create great lyrics. They make addicting beats. And damn it all if I don't love a good beat.

Random person: You like Bieber?

Me: I mean, he's an incredible douche, but "Top 40 hits are top 40 for a reason, they're catchy." -Dipper Pines

That all said, this song does have some good lyrics after that. And hey, damn it all if I don't love a good beat. And I think this song has a pretty good beat.

2. Death of Communication by Company of Theives: This isn't exactly one of those songs I skip to. It's catchy. It has good lyrics. Yet this song is more for when you're angry or upset and you just want to scream. I guess that's why all those angsty teenagers are listening to screamo-heavy-metal-making-your-ear-bleed music. Of course I still need those lyrics and beat to listen to it. Sorry Insane Clown Possy. I still won't listen to you.

3. Honey, Let Me Sing You a Song by Matt Hires: Is Matt Hires even really indie? He seems incredibly similar to Gavin Degraw. Not that Gavin Degraw is bad. Well, I didn't much care for his last single, that not over you song. But I loved those in love with a girl and i don't want to be songs. Even though those two songs were practically the same beat. It was a good beat. Anyways, back to Matt Hires. He's good. This song is good. Listen to it.

4. Be My Monster by Sleeper Agent: This song I just found two nights ago. I haven't listened to it a lot, however if I had waited two more days to write this, this song probably would of been higher on the list if I had gotten a few more listens in. I don't really know what to compare it to. So far, I've been subconsciously comparing each of these songs to some other random band. Well I guess this song is kinda all over the place. It doesn't have just one beat. It keeps changing. Kinda like me. I guess I like that.

5. Blue Eyes by Middle Brother: This song kinda covers my twangy country that I'm slowly getting into. Don't get me wrong, I still refuse to like most country. But this song does good. I feel kinda weird that a lot of these songs I like are about a guy trying to win a girl's heart. I guess I enjoy winning hearts.

Well that's it for now. It's easier if I don't wait multiple months to include songs in my top 5 cause then I don't have to do honorable mentions every time. Maybe I'll do more of this. Well have a good day internet. I'm gonna go walk home.

*looks outside at snow*


Sunday, April 7, 2013

A Baker's Dozen of Songs I Like and More: A Small Insight Into My Mind

It's pretty late on a Saturday night and I don't know why, but I came back and looked at some blog stuff. I feel kinda stupid looking at the stuff I posted 2 years ago. The stuff I posted last year too. I almost feel like a senile old man yelling at kids who look ridiculous in those baggy clothes. Except the kids are me in the past and the clothes are my old blog posts. Wait, this comparison is starting to feel equally ridiculous. Guess I can't really escape from who I am.

But the thing is, I have changed. I mean, everyone does. Someone once told me that when I left college, I wouldn't even recognize who I was my freshman year. Well I'm a junior now and I feel so different from who I was. I guess we all have changed a lot since 3 years ago. And yet, I know more changes are coming. Do we ever stop changing? I hope not. It's hard to explain, but I don't like things being so predictable. I don't want people to always know what I'm going to do next.

So can you guess what I'm gonna do next?

A list of my favorite songs right now.


God, do I love lists. I love statistical rankings saying this thing is better than that thing. The great thing about my tastes in music is that they are always changing. So the list always changes. Whereas two months ago I was listening to a whole bunch of Two Door Cinema Club, now I'm listening to...

1. Restless Heart by Matt Hires: If you were to be in a band, and the band's goal was, "Make a song that Tim will fall in love with" (It's an unusual goal, but I'm not one to tell you what your band should do), then let me give you one piece of advice. Make a song I can skip to. A song that I will dance to on the sidewalk to class in the morning and not care who sees me. I know this song is about a pretty girl who breaks the heart of our hero Matt, who in turn, decides that he wouldn't let her break his heart anymore. (There's a 75 percent chance I'm wrong about at least some of that) Yet this song has such an addicting beat that I listen to it over and over again. Everywhere I go, I listen to this. And I love it.

2. San Francisco by The Mowgli's: A lot of what was said in the above song (addicting beat, skipping, blah blah blah) can apply to this song. However, the other great thing about this song is the lyrics. I'm in love with love. God damn is that true for me. Say what you will, but I love love. The idea of something binding us together. If any of you know me decently well, you'll know that I want pretty much everyone to love me. Maybe not love. That's a little much, but I want everyone to like me. Lyke, if you were to see me and lyke, not know anything about me, your first impression would be, if I got to know that person, I would probably like him. I'm getting weird again aren't I? Really though, this song is about the fact that love is what makes us special. The people who love us, and the people we love.

3. Dear Life by Ross Copperman: Now feel free to correct me on this song if you wanna, but I'm 78 percent sure that this song is about a guy who is giving up on life. His life is in shambles and at the very end of the song, he's saying he'll get through (Dear Life, I know I'll find my way). Now I know that this song was not at all difficult to dissect, but I really like that meaning. You'd be surprised how the happy go lucky guy (Me) isn't actually as happy as his shell shows. So when life does suck, I know I'll find my way. I know things will be better. And I will love those better days.

4. Jump into the Fog by The Wombats: About a week ago, this song was at number 1 on my list. This song is really fantastic lyrically. And for all intents and purposes, The Wombats are my favorite band right now.  So this song can be interpreted a lot of different ways I think. It could be about a 1 night stand with a prostitute (What a great achievement it was to get a hotel room this late... You don't look that hygienic anyways) It could be about getting into a relationship with someone that you've already failed with and hoping you don't get hurt as much this time (So jump into the fog, I just hope it's your bones that shatter, not mine). It could be about fog (fog). Well, it's probably the second one. At least I think so. And as someone who never seems to date someone just once, it's comforting to hope that the second (or third... or sixth) time won't hurt as much if it ends.

5. Kill the Director by The Wombats: Welp. This was a tough one. There is honestly like 10 songs that could of made this spot. In fact, I've just decided that I'll add a honorable mention area for those songs that could of made it here. So why did this song beat all those others. Well, catchy beat (see 1) and lyrics that I love. (I've met someone who makes me feel seasick. Oh what a skill to have, oh what a skill to have so many skills that make her distinctive). And a song that calls itself out as sounding like an angst-y teenage band, sounds pretty alright to me. Again, this is another song that would of been on top of this list about a month ago.

Honorable mention:
What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club
Undercover Martyn - Two Door Cinema Club
Anna Sun - Walk the Moon (side note: A band named walk the moon with a song about a sun. There's a joke in there but I don't got it.)
Naive - The Kooks
Take a Walk - Passion Pit
Heart Skipped a Beat - The Xx
How'd You Like That - The Kooks
Techno Fan - The Wombats
The King and All of his Men - Wolf Gang
Jilted Lovers and Broken Hearts - Brandon Flowers
Whirring - The Joy Formidable (But only the first 3 minutes of this song. This isn't a live version. You don't need a 4 minute outro.)
Waiting for my Chance to Come - Noah and The Whales (I just may go back and put this song in my top 5 cause this is such a good song IMO (in my opinion))
Sometime Around Midnight - The Airbourne Toxic Event
Itchin on a Photograph - Grouplove (These guys get bonus points for having my favorite album title: Never Trust a Happy Song)
Changing - The Airbourne Toxic Event
Shake Me Down - Cage the Elephant
Up in the Clouds - Darwin Deez (Damn it, maybe I should of made this a top ten list.)
Turn on Me - The Shins
Two Doors Down - Mystery Jets
End of a Spark - Tokyo Police Club (That's it. I'm definitely making some revisions to this list.)
Zoo - Dog is Dead
Reptilla - The Strokes
Girls Like You - The Naked and Famous
See the Sun - The Kooks
Bambi -Tokyo Police Club (I think I have a thing for Clubs. I don't know why)
Books from Boxes - Maximo Park
The Swimming Song - Vetiver
Forever - Matt Hires

Ummm.. ok. That's it. I think. I mean. That's all I know right now. All these songs are very good. I chose these songs because these songs would of been in my top 5 at some point in the last few months. I thought there would only be ten-ish when I started. Boy was I wrong. Anyways, let me revise the list to include the more accurate list of songs I like right now.
1. Restless Heart - Matt Hires
2. San Francisco - The Mowgli's
3. Dear Life - Ross Copperman
4. Jump into the Fog - The Wombats
5. Kill the Director - The Wombats
6. Waiting for My Chance to Come - Noah and The Whales
7. Up in the Clouds - Darwin Deez
8. End of a Spark - Tokyo Police Club
9. What You Know - Two Door Cinema Club
10. Take a Walk - Passion Pit

Ok. I think that's ok...

11. Changing - The Airbourne Toxic Event.

I should stop now.

12. Itchin on a Photograph - Grouplove

Ok. Twelve is a good number to stop on. A dozen.

13. Anna Sun - Walk the Moon


Oh, and if you haven't noticed, rather than putting this in a nice neat orderly fashion that's much easier for you to understand, what you are seeing is the thought process I went through as I wrote this. It's a little bit more disorientating for you, the reader, but welcome to my mind nowadays. It's kind of all over the place. Anyways, Imma go to bed now. If you've read this far, you've earned a treat. Go cook yourself a brownie. You've earned it.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

I don't need an excuse like March for madness. I can do that anytime.

I just realized how wrong my banner is on this blog. I don't have too much time on my hands anymore. My days are quite filled now that I have a girlfriend. This certainly isn't a bad thing. I enjoy being around her. However, you readers suffer more because of this. I'm quite sure you all worship me. (I'm taking the cocky Sean approach. Has it been 2 years yet? He needs to get back here already.)

So as some of you may or may not know, I have a job. I know how shocking this must be to some of you. What, with me being such a rebel, I just don't seem like the type who can hold down a steady job. Well I work for a company called Cat Callers. What we do is call Alumni and try to get donations. It's a great job that pays pretty decently. If any of you ISU students are looking for a job, call them up. There are posters all over the campus with the number to call on there. They are almost always hiring. (and if you do call them, tell them Tim told you to do this. I get a bonus (does it make me a terrible person to use my blog to try and make money (I still miss Sean))).

Gee, now I feel like I have nothing left to talk about involving my life. So now I need something to talk about on this blog. So get ready for


Just some ground rules, this isn't my top 5 favorite shows of all time. This isn't the 5 shows that I think are the funniest or the most dramatic. These are just the 5 shows I LIKE the most that I am regularly watching right now. So sorry to my office friends, but I am too far behind on that to count it on my list.

5. Sportscenter- Oh my gawd, I love sports. I even love sports I don't love. I love pretty much anything on ESPN. Even when they do bowling and billards, but there's something truly special about everything important in sports being crammed into one hour.

4. How I Met Your Mother- This show just has a path to my heart. NPH man. NPH. This show also is probably the only show I actually like with a laugh track.

3. Futurama- I overlooked this show 7 years ago during its original run. I just thought it was a cheap knockoff of The Simpsons. However it is actually a quality show that has made a fan out of me. Also, having every episode on Netflix has helped its cause. (on a side note, I absolutely love Netflix. Thank you Alecia's parents for getting it.)

2. Tosh.0- Who would of thought a show starring my favorite comedian would be so high on this list? I mean sure it's incredibly unoriginal, a Talk Soup spinoff making fun of videos on the internet, how many shows are there like that? However, this one has Dan Tosh so suck it you other shows.

1. Glee- Yes. Glee. I'm a Glee-tard. I base my entire week around Glee. Obviously the show still isn't as good as it was back in season 1, but I still love it. I can't wait for next weeks episode. I can't wait for any episode of Glee for that matter. I always check which songs they are doing ahead of time, just because i love it so much. Glee, glee, glee, glee, glee, glee, glee. I love Glee.

So there you have it. My top 5 shows. That doesn't mean I don't like other shows. And i know some of you are gonna throw a hissy fit as soon as you see this list, whatever, I don't really care. Anyways, I think that will do for now. Keep it real peeps.

(We Miss You Sean)

From a hotel floor in Bozeman, 

Monday, February 28, 2011

Back by unpopular demand: If you find something better on the internet to read, ask for a full refund. (You won't get it)

Hello Carl. (I just blew some lucky guy's mind) Anyways, I decided it's time for me to get the old blog going again. I guess watching a lot of friends with blogs made me want to do some blogging too. So here I am, telling you what to do with your life. GO RIDE A CIRCUS RIDE!!!!

Anyways, before I stopped writing last, I began writing a post. For your viewing pleasure, here is what I had started writing. Should give you a rough time guess as to when I was writing it:

So it's been quite a while since I last posted. I know a lot of you are disappointed with me. Seeing as it's so important that I stay up to date with my blog. I'll make sure that doesn't happen again. (who are we kidding? we both know I'm going to have long delays between certain posts.)

So since my last post I had thanksgiving break. During that break, I did a lot of things. Mostly consisting of seeing Alecia and Sean. It sucked knowing it was going to be the last time I saw him for two years. He will be missed. However, our last days together were spent playing video games and watching The Office. We all know that's how we wanted to spend our last days together.

Meanwhile, I got to visit Alecia a lot. We made a gingerbread house, met her family, and watched movies for a while. One movie we watched together was The Expendables. So get ready for another


Slyvester Stalone kills a lot of people. Things blow up. I just ruined the movie for you.

And she got to meet my friends and family. It was a good week. Up until our return to ISU. We returned on Sunday the 28th of November. There was a terrible snowstorm that day. We got about halfway through the trip before hitting the snow. We spun out shortly after that. We did about a 720 in spins. Not an actual 720, but we kept fishtailing back and forth that in the end totaled about a 720. That was scary. Then we reached a standstill. Apparently there was a crash. When we got up there, we saw the cars. And there were body bags. Also terrifying. Then, awhile later, A car in front of us started fishtailing. So we had to drive into a snowbank in order to avoid crashing into them. We were stuck there for a little bit but for some reason 

And that's all I had written. If you want to know how that story ended, we were in the snowbank when this random mexican (were they mexican? It's been so long I can't really remember.) family came up to us and towed us out. I've never been bossed around by an 8 year old before (at least not since I was 12), but that little kid knew what he was doing. That drive took about 6 hours. It was awful. Never drive to Pocatello in the snow. You'll regret it.

Anyways, if you want to know what I've been up to since I last posted, I've been watching a lot of tv. Hanging out with Alecia a lot (a lot a lot). Took a trip down to Provo last weekend. Quite the guys weekend. Jared taught me how to play League of Legend, I taught him how to not suck at Tetris Battle. Don't know if he took the advice. Saw Harry Potter 7 twice this weekend. Brings my total up to 5 times for that movie. Making it the movie I've seen the most in theatres. Beating Fantastic Mr. Fox (who had 3 viewings). I also started playing Fable 2 on my roommates xbox a bit.

Anyways, I think that's all I have to say for now. BECOME MIKE TYSON'S AGENT!!!!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Harry Potter, Harry Potter, OH EM GEEZ, it's Harry freakin' Potter

I recently discovered how to check stats on my blog. I can see how many people have viewed my blogs, which posts have been the most popular, and what item they were using to check my blog. Out of the many page views I have gotten, 1 single view came from an Ipad. To that person who viewed me via ipad, wtf? why would you buy an ipad? I have a better idea, mail me the 400 bucks it cost to buy that thing, or you could just mail me the ipad. My golf swings have been slicing a bit lately. I could use some practice. (Tosh.0 fans will get that one)

So, this past weekend, I went to the premiere of Harry Potter. It was quite the experience. So that's what I'll be talking about in this weeks


Anyways, you've been warned. So don't complain about me ruining this movie. The books should of pretty much done that. 

So first off, I attended this movie at carmike cinemas in Pocatello. We were in theatre 7 (cause someone just has to be in an odd numbered theatre). We got there about two hours before midnight. Ended up playing Solitare on our ipods for a while before my sister showed up with her friend artie (or R.D.? I don't really know...). They show up, and midnight rolls around and they show some previews for some movies. Which is unfortunate cause I believe a midnight premiere... should have a movie start at midnight. Am I crazy for thinking that? God I hope not. So that was boring until the preview for Cowboys and Aliens showed up. That preview was a joke... right? 

Anyways, at 12:25 the movie finally starts. They start off with the scene where Harry says goodbye to the Dursleys. Which was a very good scene in the book cause Harry and Dudley sort of make up which I thought was rather nice. However, they completely cut that scene out of the movie. The Dursleys are just like "see ya later harry. Good luck saving the world." Freakin Dursleys.

Anyways, right after this, the Order comes to move Harry and he releases Hedwig into the night. Which I was soooo ready to call Bull**** on. Fortunately, they brought Hedwig back to take a hit for Harry. Which I thought was a rather nice way to die. Rather than just Hedwig flopping around in his cage and some death eater's wand just happens to drift lazily to the left to hit his cage. 

Next scene, everyone is at the burrow. Lupin comes up to ask Harry Potter a question on Harry Potter trivia. He gets it right, which impressed me. Cause if my 8th grade teacher asked me what pet he had in his class the first time I went there, no way in hell I'd remember. I'm proud of HP for keeping up on his HP trivia knowledge. Next everyone returns to the burrow. George has his ear blown off. Makes his 'hole-y" joke. Haha. Big laugh. Then *bam* (insert Tim slamming his hands against a hard surface) Bill just comes up and drops the bombshell."Mad-eye is dead." Followed by such a long pause.  I'm sure everyone in that room with Bill is thinking 'hey, we were enjoying that joke. Thanks for ruining the moment. ***hole."

Next, the big cock-block scene. By the way, for those of you at home keeping track, we are only like fifteen minutes into the movie. So Harry is all pimped out the day of the wedding. Then, Ginny comes up with her back exposed (s-c-a-n-d to the a to the l-o-u-s). She asks Harry to zip her up. He does, and then they start makking (which means kissing for those of you who haven't learned tim-speak yet). Then George does some pro-sneaking around and winds up near them. Harry and Ginny, so lost in the moment, don't notice him for a little while till they look over and see him enjoying the sight. At which point, I got mad at George. Harry is about to go off and save the world. All he wants is a little action from his girl and George has to go ruin that. Bad george. That is not cool.

Oh boy, I almost forgot about this scene (by the way, I'm writing this in parts over the last week). So Ron leaves. Shocker. I know. Hermione is really sad. What does Harry do now? Dances with her. Everyone in the theatre is confused. "I don't remember this part in the book." No one actually says that. We're all thinking it. Then the song ends. Harry and Hermione share an awkward look. Then she walks away. I thought she was gonna go in for the kiss. Nah. She just goes away. Not like he's gonna save the world or anything. You couldn't give him a little peck on the cheek? Real nice. Of course that would of proven Ronnie's suspicions that they were close, but I don't care about that. I'm team Harry f***ing Potter.

So then some fighting and explosions happen. I don't really want to talk about those moments. I just want to get the moments that I find either humorous or freaky. The next scene I really care about is the horcrux scene. So Ronnie the bear returns saves Harry Potter from drowning. Thanks for that. Then Ron tries to destroy the horcrux and it explodes into this freaky smoke thing. Then a ghost Harry and a ghost Hermione emerge from the smoke trying to convince Ron that he'll fail. These ghosts are fully clothed while they are doing this. Then it cuts to a shot of Ron. Then it cuts back to the ghosts and they are naked and making out. It's tasteful naked. You can't see anything bad. The fog covers it up. Then Ron slices through it and that's it for naked ghost Harry and naked ghost Hermione. Needless to say, that scene freaked me out.

Finally, Dobby's death scene. Yes. It was sad. Portrayed really well. Almost as sad as Toy Story 3 was for me. Not quite crying but watered up the eyes. I can't believe I'm saying this but it was way sadder than the Dumbledore death was in the movie. Not in the book though. Dumbledore's death in the book was the only time I've ever cried reading a book. Sad stuff.

So yeah, that's Harry Potter 7 for you. Thank you for not sending hate mail about this. I know I probably have a terrible opinion. On I final note, I wish some of my best friends, Sean, Rob, Matt, and Mr. Kennedy the best wishes. Suffered a recent crash that sounded pretty terrifying but they're fine now. Anyways, keep it real. Thanks for reading. I'll see you when I see you.

From home sweet home,
Timmy D.